The Christmas Spirit -- Where is it?

I just can't seem to get into this year... I've done all of my Christmas shopping, wrapped up the ones that have to go out of town and sent them, but I'm just not feeling it. We don't have a tree this year because we're going to Oregon to visit Zach's family. We don't have any decorations up. I've been listening to Christmas music, but I'm just not getting into it. I don't understand.

Perhaps when we get to Oregon (on Christmas Eve no less) I will feel more in the spirit of things.

Found out today that a dear friend of mine is not willing to see me this week because of a letter I wrote to her. In short, I told her my feelings and now she doesn't want to face it. I HATE it! It also sucks because I found all of this out from a mutual friend instead of directly from her. People, please! I feel like I'm back in middle school... "Well, she said that she thinks that you..." Just f*ing tell me yourself!

Mandy and I have this conversation a lot lately. We must give to the givers and stop giving to the takers. I think this other friend of mine might be a taker. Frankly, I'm running on empty. I give to my students everyday -- they are the neediest bunch of people you could ever meet. After spending time giving to the people I want to give to (my husband, my family, Mandy & Billy) I don't have anything left to give to someone who will only take. I need people who are willing to give back, dammit!

I guess I found the answer to my question, huh? Where is the Christmas Spirit? Being sucked in by a black hole of emotional need (not my own, mind you).

My resolve. I'm going to clean the house. I'm going to light holiday scented candles. I'm going to bake and sing at the top of my lungs to the Muppets Christmas album. I'm going to FIND Christmas, even if it kills me!

This is last year's tree... oh how I miss it!