Reflective and Sad, but Hopeful

Wow. It's been over a month since I've written. The holidays seem to take over every aspect of life -- and my house. I'm working on taking down Christmas today, replacing the cheerful holiday snowmen and reindeer and santas with "the everyday" decorations of my house. It seemed a good time to do some revamping, too. Declutter the mantel. Put some things away for a while. And replace some pictures. Amid the relief of cleaning, purging, and making room for 2007, I'm finding myself a bit reflective and somewhat sad.

A year ago, I stopped talking to one of my closest friends. Just stopped. I said some things she didn't want to hear, and that was the end. No trying to work it out. It was just -- over. I removed her pictures from their frames today and replaced them with others. I guess it was the needed final step of that relationship. 2006 continued on without her...

Then in February, I ceased communicating with my childhood best friend. She tried again in September, but I realized we had just become two completely different people. So, there went that. I can't seem to get rid of traces of her from my life. I don't want to. There is so much history there. She is so much a part of who I am today. We may not be able to be friends, but the sweet memory of her makes me smile. I wish it had gone other ways, but things don't always work out the way we want them to. Life just happens.

The beauty of all of this is finding new friends. Learning from past mistakes. Realizing who I am through and through and not compromising that for anything or anyone. I have very few goals for 2007, but I want them to count. So, here I am, being hopeful for a great new year. Letting the past go. Letting the present and future in.

GOALS for 2007

• Walk every morning, every day
• Drink water
• Stick to a cleaning schedule (necessary for sanity)
• Become a healthy pregnant woman
• Cherish everything in my life, take nothing for granted

What Teachers Make

I know that practically everyone has received this in a chain email at some point, but I believe that it bears repeating.

What Teachers Make

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Susan. Be honest. What do you make?"

Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?"

"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them criticize. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final drafts in writing.

I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention because they just didn't learn."

Susan paused and then continued, "You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?"

10 years and counting...

This month marks Z's and my 10th anniversary together, 4 years of marriage. HOORAY! I'm so lucky to have an amazing husband.

To celebrate, we went to NC to choose and cut our own Christmas tree. It was soooo much fun! This is only our second live tree (since we spend every other Christmas away), and I'm loving it! Here are some shots of us cutting down the tree...

And, the finished product...

What Christmas Carol Are You?

You are 'Silent Night'! You really enjoy Christmas, and you like your Christmases conventional. For you, Christmas is about family and traditions, and you rather enjoy the rituals of going to church at midnight and turning off the lights before flaming the plum pudding. Although you find Christmas shopping frustrating, you like the excitement of wrapping and hiding presents, and opening a single door on the Advent Calendar each day. You like the traditional carols, and probably teach the children to sing along to them. More than anyone else, you will probably actually have a merry Christmas!

Take this quiz: Quizilla

Offensive...

So, Bonnie @2Peas has posted this challenge: Blog about the things in life that are offensive to you... do you take offense easily, or not????

I'm a jokester -- there's not doubt about that. And I tend to say things that can be offensive or embarrass people. I wouldn't say that I'm easily offended, but there are some things that, if said, set me off.

1. These kids can't learn. They can't do it.
I'm a teacher, a teachers' teacher, and above all, an advocate for children. Don't tell me These kids can't... All children can and will as long as I am around. It might take some patience, some extra support, a different viewpoint, a different method, but ALL KIDS CAN!

2. That woman needs to lose a few.
As a woman who is overweight -- and not by a little -- this makes me NUTS! Don't tell me that a woman who has a little extra skin here and there needs to lose weight. It is a daily, uphill battle for me. People who say She needs to lose a few obviously have NEVER struggled with it. So, shut up! Are you a doctor? Since when does your opinion matter? (Okay, I need to exhale -- got a little worked up there...)

3. Addressing many when you only need to address a few.
Okay, so hypothetical and silly situation here, but a good way to illustrate my point: Several people at the office are not covering their mouths when they sneeze. The bossman knows exactly who these people are. He sees them daily. Other workers have complained, and he has made a note of it. Finally, during the height of cold season, the bossman gets really ticked off because these people are sneezing a LOT, and no one is covering her/his mouth. So, he writes an angry memo. One that states, "The next person who sneezes without covering his/her mouth will receive a letter of reprimand." Instead of sending it to the offenders, he sends it to the ENTIRE staff, as though ALL of them have committed this offense. This bothers me so much, and it offends me when I am the one who has not committed the offense. Talk to the people whom you are angry with; don't bother me with it when I've done nothing wrong.

So, in the spirit of offense, I invite you to rent a Carlos Mencia DVD, listen to one of his CDs or watch his TV show on Comedy Central. You will be offended. And then you will laugh. We're all offenders. Carlos Mencia shows us just how STUPID we sound when we offend.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

And it's finally cold here in the ATL! Hallelujah! A quick survey to get me started on the Holiday Blogging...

Christmas/New Years questionare
Christmas
Do you like christmas?:	I LOVE it!
Whats your favorite part about christmas?:	Decorating my tree, Being with my family
Who is your favorite person to spend christmas with?:	my husband and parents
What time do you wake up in the morning on christmas day?:	depends on how late we were up the night before, but usually by 8
haha Do you believe in Santa?:	Definitely.
Do you decorate a lot for christmas?:	I'm a moderate decorator.
What your favorite christmas present?:	this is lame, but my cd changer for my car
Do you send out christmas cards?:	yep -- I need to get started!
Do you party on christmas day?:	nope -- lots of relaxation and family time.
What is the true meaning of christmas?:	remembering to be there for those you love
Favorite
Christmas Cookie?:	chocolate chip
Person in the mager setup?:	the sheep
christmas outfit?:	pajamas
time on christmas day?:	christmas eve -- around 8 (everyone has eaten and we are chatting over coffee)
Either
fake or real tree?:	i used to be a fake tree girl, but now it's REAL all the way!
Lights/Decorations/Garlfand?:	TONS of white lights, silver and gold beaded garland, lots of ornaments from days gone by
Wrapping presents or buying them?:	wrap them myself -- or make zach do it
money or presents?:	presents
spend christmas with family or friends?:	family
white christmas or hot christmas?:	white christmas
caroling or listening to carolers?:	caroling
cocoa or cofee?:	cocoa
blinking lights or regular?:	regular
color lights or yellowish?:	WHITE
manger or santa?:	both
red or green?:	green
Have you ever?
stolen anything on christmas day?:	hell no!
Read the story of Jesus birth?:	yes
Gotten drunk, high ect on christmas eve/day?:	comfortably buzzed
Been a Mr. Scrooge?:	yep -- the first year my sister didn't come home for Christmas
Donated to the homeless?:	yes
Been exceptionaly cheery because its christmas?:	always -- it's kind of sick, actually
New Yers
Where do you go?:	it depends -- usually to a friends' house
party?:	do you consider playing games a party?
do you get drunk?:	sometimes
Do you go to clubs?:	Hell NO!
have you ever been drunk and driven on new years?:	NO.
do you have loud toys and countdown the seconds?:	sometimes.
What are your new years resolutions?:	always health... you think i'd be SOOO healthy by now
Do you stay up till midnight?:	yes
Who do you spend new years with?:	my hubby and friends and famly
Are you tired the next day?:	yes
What time is it?:	????????
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Well, Chico...

they're not all winners.

Sooooo, here is Frank, Sarah, and me with the one and only Carlos Mencia (he's the one in the hat).

I won't tell you how much we paid to have this polaroid taken, but I will say that we had such a GREAT time. I haven't laughed that hard is SOOOOOO long! Can't wait until he's back in town again!

Since he's known me...

So, Z says that since he's known me I've been in school. For a year now, I haven't taken classes. Since I finished my Master's last year, I am taking some time off. Z hopes it's permanent time off, but, really, it's an extended hiatus until I go back for my Ed.D.

In the interest of keeping up with my field (literacy education), I am taking the Reading Specialist exam today. (In about an hour, actually.) I haven't taken a standardized test since -- hell, when I got my teaching certificate! Needless to say, I'm nervous. So, keep those fingers crossed for me.

I'm off to find my number 2 pencils so I can sharpen them!

Inspired

Sooo, I was reading Ginger Rohlfs' blog about her top 5 picks for Sexiest man... and I decided to make a list of my own.

I only have 4... but here they are:

Number 4: Steven Tyler
I have been lusting after this man for years now. Something about that skinny ambiguity just does it for me. Not to mention that mouth - Hello!

Number 3: Johnny Depp

A classic, no? Dressed up as a pirate or thinking he's Don Juan DeMarco or ironing cheese sandwiches. How can you not love this man?

Number 2: Dean Winters

We have just finished watching the HBO series OZ. He played Ryan O'Reilly. I don't know if it was the bad boy thing or his damn sexy chest, but Whew!

Number 1: John Cusack

Since Say Anything, he has been that man. Something about that dorky yet sexy yet awkward yet suave thing he has going on... HO-LAY!

Tuesday Two

1) To be indestructible or incredibly rich?
Hard call there... probably rich so I can share the wealth. Not too sure what being indestructible would do for mankind, ya know?
2) chocolate or vanilla?
if it's ice cream, it's chocolate. if it's cake, it's vanilla.
3) scrambled or fried eggs?
scrambled, baby. those runny centers just don't do it for me.
4) winter sports or summer sports?
no sports at all, really. but if i had to pick, it would be winter -- love ice skating and skiing and hockey
5) cookies or cake?
CAKE!
6) vote on the issues or with political parties?
issues. and i have lots of them.
7) Indiana Jones or James Bond?
is that a question? without a doubt -- Indy! he's so rugged and manly. none of that Pommy crap.
8) dinner w/Osama Bin Laden or hunting with Dick Cheney?
this one is hard. okay. probably dinner w/ OBL because i'm afraid Cheney might shoot me. and, at least, the conversation would be interesting.
9) be able to swim underwater without coming up for air or be able to fly?
fly. swimming won't get me to the west coast any faster.
10) talk like Foghorn Leghorn or Elmer Fudd?
i say, i say, i say-a Foghorn Leghorn, please.

Lessons Learned

Sooooo... M and I have done some serious growing in our friendship lately. It's been hard. We've cried. I've yelled. There has been crazy typing. Lots of long email back and forth. But I've learned a few things about myself, and about my relationship w/M. Perfect timing for Laura's CJ: Lessons I've learned about love.

Instead of belaboring the ordeal for all of cyberspace, instead I share my layout. The journaling reads...

friends will always love you, even:

• if you disagree with them
• after you argue
• if you confront them
• after they call you on your shortcomings
• if you don't talk to them for 8 months
• when you are unsure of yourself
• when you say stupid crap that embarasses them
• if sometimes you think you are unlovable

friends love you for who you are. no matter what.

it took me a long time to learn exactly what a friend is and does. now that i know, i'm a stronger person and a better friend.

Beautiful Brevard

Some snaps from our weekend in Brevard...
One problem -- no White Squirrels!!!

Gangsta Mandy and "the Bear"

Zach, Kharma, and Mandy

at the base of Triple Falls

Rainy Monday and a 2Peas Chellenge...

2 Peas Challenge:
Describe your childhood home.
Blog about it, and share some memories...

My parents moved to GA when I was 18 months old. From that time until graduated from college (save 1 year in college and a summer away), I lived in that house.

Being the youngest by such a huge gap (16 years), I was basically an only child, so I had the run of the place from the time I was 7 or 8. It was a 4 bedroom split-level. We had a huge kitchen where we would eat dinner as a family every night. I remember finishing dinner and my sister getting up to make coffee. She would sigh something about "Cinderella" and everyone would laugh. Before my brother and sister moved out, I would sit in the corner of the wrap-around bench that went around our dinner table. So, if I wanted to leave, it was "Just go under, T." And I would.

For a good while, my grandparents lived downstairs from us. My dad converted the garage into an in-law suite, complete with a kitchen. After my grandmother passed away, my grandfather stayed for a while. But taking care of a child and an invalid (my grandfather had a stroke and was paralyzed on the left side of his body) was a bit too much, so my grandfather moved into a nursing home up North near the rest of his children.

Because the house was so big, and Mom and Dad had a pool put in, we had big parties during the summer, and I guess during the winter, too, for that matter. I remember 4th of July parties the best. My brother set up with a band in the living room downstairs. There were people everywhere. Lots of food, lots of friends. It never occurred to me that I was just a little kid. I had fun with all the adults... The barbecue would be going non-stop, there would be watermelon and mile-high cheesecake. My parents' friends taught me stupid cheers "U-G-L-Y- You ain't got no alibi! You Ugly! Uh, Uh! You Ugly!" Or how to do a correct forward crawl in the pool. My brother would dunk me under or do handstands in the deep end, so all I saw were his feet. My sister grabbed me and danced with me. Just so much fun. Then, at night, when everything would quiet down, I would lay in my mom's lap, waterlogged and exhausted. My brother and one of his friends would play their guitars. Everyone sang along, and I would fall asleep to the sound of voices, music, and that gentle squeak guitar strings make as fingers move across them. Content.

Sunday

So, it's Sunday. I haven't posted in a while. Because... Because... not sure why. There haven't been any major septic tank problems. My job is... mediocre at best. I've spent time with friends. I've cleaned up a bit around the house... It's just ordinary days. Right now, ordinary is good.

We've disposed of cable TV, so right now we lack any kind of TV reception. Z has yet to set up the antiquated bunny ears. This is a priority on MY list so that I don't miss any more episodes of House or Grey's. The rest of it I'm not too concerned about.

Read many good books lately:
Uglies by Scott Westerfeld -- I need to go out and get the next in the series.
Dry by Augusten Burroughs -- LOVED it! Can't wait to see Running w/Scissors! Augusten is quickly becoming one of my fave writers.
At First Sight by Nicolas Sparks -- Sometimes you just need a good, sappy read!
Still working on:
Amazing Grace by Kathleen Norris. It's not really a book that you read cover to cover. I've been taking it in small chunks, and enjoying it. It's Melissa's book club pick.
Just started:
Rococo by Adriana Trigiani. MG turned me on to her, and I LOVE her writing. The Italian American culture is so close to home, and this one is set in my home state of NJ. Okay, I call it my home state because EVERYONE in my family is from there, but I was raised in good old GA. The only Yankee I got was an intolerance for grits and a love of hot coffee.

Made some chili this AM to bring over to the D Clan's house tonight. It's our annual pumpkin carving evening. What's better than a pot of chili, your brother and sis-in-law, your hubby, and 5 nieces and nephews all together carving pumpkins? Nothing, I tell you. I'm thinking of starting a seed-slinging contest. Andy and Eddie would be GREAT at it.

Z's had to work all weekend. Making the "MOVE." Glad that he's making the overtime, though -- sometimes our money seems to go down the drain -- literally, ha! I'll continue to work around here. Finish some Christmas presents I'm making, and plan for our trip to Brevard. White squirrels, here I come!!!!

Old People

I am enamored of this video right now. It just makes me laugh. I think it's because I picture my parents doing this...

My new mantra

"Gotta Tend the Earth if You Want a Rose!"

If I am going to become the person I want to be, I need to tend to myself. I need to take care of what I eat, when I exercise, when I take time for myself, when I am creative, and when I reflect. In order to be my best self, to become that rose, I need to tend to my body and spirit. I hope that by repeating this to myself every day and when I start to feel down, I will remember to feed that rose inside me.

Like Church...

Like Old Friends...
Like Peaceful existence...
The feeling you get when your heart is bursting from your chest...

It's Emily and Amy.

This weekend MG and I are heading to NC to see them play. We're hooking up with an old friend -- a friend who was instrumental in M's and my friendship -- a person I haven't talked to nor seen in 5 years. Not too sure how I feel about it. I'm excited about the concert. I'm excited about seeing her, but I'm apprehensive, too. M tells me I've learned a lot; that I know how to keep healthier relationships. But there's always that little nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "remember how great this was? remember how much fun this was?" And I have to remind myself of the other times. The not so great, not so fun times. And that helps me keep a level head.

Lead with the head, not the heart.

I think that's to be my motto for this weekend.

But I digress... I am so freakin' excited about seeing the Indigo Girls! OMG! It has been a few years since I've seen them play. And the last concert I went to Zach was with me, so I was more worried about him having a good time... This time it's me and MG... and the old friend, too... surrounded by people who are moved by their music, who understand what it's like to find yourself in a song and take it on as your life's mantra.

It's like church. Like coming home. Like being alone with 5000 people. Like singing with your family. Like satisfaction.

SUSAN RULES!!!

And I'm not just saying that, really. But this next part is going to read strangely -- they do!!

Tuesday Night Trivia. 6 women. A bit of alcohol. Lubricated Brains. In addition to winning a bar credit, here's what you get:

Closing time... you don't have to go home...

but you can't pee here!

Yes. Another joy of home ownership -- the septic tank. Ours: full. Me: Not happy.

I kind of feel like a mastercard commercial right now:

Calling the Septic pump guys to your house: $0.35
Having them dig up your yard, open your tank and pump it: $600
Watching your shit disappear into a large truck: priceless

It was nasty, but necessary. I think my favorite part of the WHOLE process was not being able to go to the bathroom for 12 hours.

Oh wait -- actually, it was when we were done, Mr. Septic Man told me to flush each toilet 3 times. I also hopped on one foot and rubbed my belly for good luck -- it just seemed like a natural thing to do.

"In nomine potty, et fill-ed, et s'pumpitus sanctus..." It's all done now.

A clean septic tank is a happy septic tank.

It always happens that way...

Why is it that I finally get away for a weekend -- down to FL to visit my parentals -- and I get sick? Zach gets some time off so we can enjoy the beach together -- and I'm sick. Fever, stuffy, sore throat. So now I get to take DayQuil and hope that I start to feel better so that I don't waste my entire holiday weekend. This sucks!